Yes it does, and it will continue to.
So much has happened in the last couple weeks. Let's recap, even though some is new information to this blog:
1) Stella continues to sort of maybe get better. She's got almost 100% tail function at this point, although she's still sensitive around her tail head. Her R hock remains a little more puffy than the L, but I no longer have to wrap her. She's been pretty good at regulating her movement, and I'm trying to let her out on grass as much as I can (always supervised, unfortunately). She's still a little thinner than I'd like, but she's light years from where she was at the initial injury. She probably lost 40 lbs. between being in constant heat, the injuries piling on, and the weather changing (heat always stresses her out). There's going to need to be some changes for her in the next couple months, which I'll talk about at a later date.
2) I ended my relationship of almost three years. I think we had both seen it coming for a long time: being a trauma survivor usually means carrying a lot of emotional baggage, and mine was getting a little too hard for him to deal with in a healthy way. There was a lot of pressure on me to get going, to figure things out, to change how I reacted in certain situations, to be "normal", and it just wasn't healthy for me. I still love him, and I miss him, but I have to admit I'm happier than I've been in a long time. For once, I just have to worry about me and my healing journey. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, right there with making the decision to put Ernie down, but I'm better off for it.
3) I graduated massage school. It was a really beautiful, intimate and very special ceremony: only having 19 graduates makes that a lot easier. I always found graduations to be so mechanical and typical, churning kids out almost like a factory. This was so perfectly-imperfect, so cozy, so wonderful. Each of us were recognized with a touch stone (the name of my school was Touchstone Healing Arts), which is a basalt stone used to test the purity of precious metals. Each stone had a word on it, something the professors and directors wanted us to embody in our journey forward. My word was "courage", and holy man does that fit what I need to be going forward in my life.
4) I made the decision to move out of my parents house. As of July 1st, there is a cabin on the barn property that will open up. The current tenant, a good friend of mine, is moving out and moving in with her boyfriend and closer to her new job. It's perfect timing: Alex and I had talked about moving in together this summer, but obviously that's no longer an option. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to afford living on my own: rent is so expensive around here and even though I work two jobs, student loans are killing me. Add to that the most recent vet bill of close to two grand, and I thought I was destined to live with my folks for a couple more years. Besides the awesome perk of being literally 30 feet from my horse, this cabin has all-inclusive rent, is close to both jobs and will give me privacy if and when I need it. I so need this change in my life and I practically live at the barn anyway, so why not REALLY live there?
It's been all good things, I think. I'm working two jobs, one in a chiropractor's office and the other at the greenhouses, same as last year. It's a nice duality to have, and although I don't ever get a full day off, I don't want or need one right now. Stella is a waiting game right now, I'll have more to report when the vet comes out next week, but her care has been pretty minimal because I'm not really allowed to do anything with her. She's taken it all pretty well, too. I just want my girl back, but I think after all of this is said and done, I'm finally in a position to start anew.
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