I bought Stella as a long yearling closing in on her second birthday. She knew nothing, not even how to tie, and so her training began. Little did I know it was going to be training for me, too.
It took me until my junior year of college (over a year into Stella's time with me) to accept and confront my history of sexual abuse. I told my parents and very quickly found myself digging through my troubled past. I started counseling, and within a few months I was depressed and sinking further every day. The trouble with Stella started, and my ability to deal with myself and try and be there for a very young mare grew smaller and smaller. She grew anxious, flighty, worried and unwilling/unable to give me her focus and trust. I stopped working with her, for both her sake and mine.
Fast forward two years. I'm now a college grad with my B.S in Equine Studies, a certified Equine Massage Therapist and a Certified Massage Therapist. I am no longer taking medication to deal with anxiety and depression, and I've found a therapist closer to home who has proven to be a tremendous asset in my healing. The lessons I've learned about myself have been invaluable, but my "training" isn't done. In fact, it's only begun.
"The horse is a mirror to your soul...sometimes you may like what you see, and sometimes you won't. But don't ever doubt that what you see is the truth."
It's taken me a long time to accept the above statement, but I've never known it to be more true. I am finally on the path to repairing myself, and with that comes the process of repairing Stella. I have the tools, the will and the understanding to start this journey. I have some wonderful people to help me along the way. But most importantly, I have an amazing little mare who has shown me my own truth, and who will continue to be my mirror into my healing.
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