The Second Coming

We're back. Both of us. Together, this time, and with such an amazingly different outlook on how to continue this relationship.

Well, maybe different isn't the right word. Maybe I mean sincere. It's not that I didn't want this mare on the best path to recovery that I could provide, and it's not that I didn't (or don't) want an absolutely undeniably honest and trusting relationship with her. I do, I always have. But I don't always think I had the humility to see, to really see, that I had a lot of changing to do, more than I ever could have imagined, and in ways I never realized.

Yes, I've written about it before, a million times. How much I've grown, how much I've realized, how I've learned humbleness over and over and over again until I'm blue in the face. But sometimes your subconscious takes a while to catch up with the conscious. You know what you have to do, you may even know how to go about doing it, but you just aren't in the right place to start. The universe is trying to tell you something, and ignoring or going against it only leads to frustration and anger most of the time.

I've asked for a long time, why me? Why did I have to go through this? Now I know. I'm not being punished: this is how things had to happen for me to grow. I don't wish abuse or anything so terrible on anyone, ever. But as a survivor, it is important to look at things for what they are, and to take what solace you can. Ernie started my healing path, but I never recognized it at the time. It was only after he was gone that I started to really see what was happening. Then along came Stella, by far the best teacher I've had in this life, and it's only in the last few weeks that I've felt that gut feeling, an undeniable yes, this is the right time. 

There's so much to tell, but the story is really just beginning...